12.21.10 solsticio collar declarations

TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of ten minutes until totality.


I AM BEING without textbooks.


I AM RELEASING the phases.


I AM CREATING a universe yet unseen in my lifetime.


WHAT I LOVE ABOUT MY LIFE IS i am here, now, alive. I LOVE.


I CELEBRATE AND NURTURE MY EXISTENCE as putting one foot in front of the other.

I AM stepping out the door to chase the moon.

well, that takes care of that declarations

TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of a finely shuffled deck. TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of limitlessness. TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of a laying of hands. 

I AM BEING a gentle timer read in the cards. I AM BEING unapologetically kind. I AM BEING the journey and the destination.

I AM RELEASING the desire to sleep in. I AM RELEASING who i am not when i am with you. I AM RELEASING having to be anyone other than myself. I AM RELEASING false security, financial or otherwise. I AM RELEASING love contingent on proximity and border. I AM RELEASING you, chicago, as anything other than home. I AM RELEASING this chilling to the bone. I AM RELEASING the fence and field, the greening.

I AM CREATING attentiveness. I AM CREATING 101 days. I AM CREATING time to love and be loved in kind.

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT MY LIFE IS a perfect read. I LOVE the sobering mileage. I LOVE hitting my stride, falling into my own rhythm, hitting my mark. I LOVE the walk back to meet running friends, to finish again. I LOVE the night prior, all realtalk and hysterical laughter. I LOVE timely texts that settle the heart. I LOVE that i am surrounded by healers, amazing women of faith. I LOVE needing no clarifying questions. I LOVE the necessity of randomness. I LOVE finding these patterns that bring about change. I LOVE her command of language, her vulnerability to text, this working translation. I LOVE knowing that when it does happen, there will be great music to guide us.

I CELEBRATE AND NURTURE MY EXISTENCE as “never on schedule, but always on time.” bring on 2011.

14-line sets on the decs declarations

“you wish her hand, and the furious gravitation that holds the heavens in place”

TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of a discarded list of frequencies. TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of the truth i still do not know. TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of a traveler on a winter’s night.


I AM BEING an author of apocrypha. I AM BEING the spyglass. I AM BEING blessed by mysterious coincidences.


I AM RELEASING a tinge of regret. I AM RELEASING fears of unproductive pain. I AM RELEASING the work still waiting for me at school. I AM RELEASING the cigarette she lights. I AM RELEASING the chuckle of sobriety. I AM RELEASING the protocol after x number of dates. I AM RELEASING ‘the equivalent of an unwritten world translated into writing.’


I AM CREATING a finite Nth. I AM CREATING (a) reading room.  I AM CREATING hipstippingover.


WHAT I LOVE ABOUT MY LIFE IS  loving this source. I LOVE students who always know where to find me when i need dark chocolate. I LOVE the physics of all this love. I LOVE understanding that i am a good man. I LOVE a gifted crown of sonnets to end a long thursday.


I CELEBRATE AND NURTURE MY EXISTENCE as the point of contact, a sound speaking length.

haunted or not haunted declarations

“Now, of course, I know exactly what I should have said to her. It would have been a long speech, though, far too long for me to have delivered it properly. The ideas I come up with are never very practical. Oh, well. It would have started ‘Once upon a time’ and ended ‘A sad story, don't you think?’” 

TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of pushing through to the magic mile. TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of reading beyond the first translation. TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of write to life, a writing life.

I AM BEING the reprise. I AM BEING meridians of deliberate travel.  I AM BEING a 100% perfect man, though you may not believe this.

I AM RELEASING being lighthouse keeper for every frantic design student within 15 feet of me. yes yes, i’ll watch your crap. I AM RELEASING poor circulation, paper cuts, and the frailty of fingertips. I AM RELEASING numbered lists, obscure “en” numbers, and illogical email usernames. I AM RELEASING where i am vs. where i want to be. I AM RELEASING unreasonable countdowns and false tallies. I AM RELEASING tipsiness at a wine tasting. I AM RELEASING the 100% perfect woman, though you may not believe this.

I AM CREATING miles. run marathon, runforlife. mile min running. school love w/. I AM CREATING a new list of top words. I AM CREATING mixtapes, a giftbox of popular chocolate, a small wine bar on the dining room table. I AM CREATING an expanding universe.

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT MY LIFE IS the certainty of new wine and the organics of people’s red. I LOVE finding myself at republic three times in seven days. I LOVE her laughter miles away from the safety of Columbia. I LOVE yet another ID card because at least my picture reflects the actual. I LOVE the slimming and warming effect of layers. I LOVE catching folks before they leave town and i leave town, before all this damn leaving. I LOVE running out the clock of potential sickness. I LOVE hitting my stride, going for an extra 2miles. I LOVE it when my body responds to pins and needles in skilled hands. I LOVE all this soup! I LOVE it when folks ask for their bagels toasted at Murray’s, silly people. I LOVE making time to write. I LOVE all the new school asians and their bewilderment at my computer screen of poetry. I LOVE looking up to find cupcakes, a familiar face, and weekend plans. 

I CELEBRATE AND NURTURE MY EXISTENCE as a new chapter. write on.

archipelago: 3058 [reprise]

archipelago: 3058

---

as they sat there in that water park which has hosted every flood in skokie, save the reservoir under the bowling alley, j₃ tells m₁ she doesn't believe the territory that surrounds the townspeople. there are outskirts, there are pleated boundaries, there is undiscovered personal space. m₁ assures her these arms were made to hold, pointing to forearms and wrists and the boneslight, made most certainly of the chip of odd letting. m₁ braces her spine, steadies her weight, seals his hands in the speak of empire. incubated from a bungalow off crawford and oakton, j₃ slowly eases into the notion that pangaea was not long ago, was not without terrible motion. hers is the self-made dialect—spoken softly, carried in m₁’s hands at arms-length, held out to mark the expanding universe. j₃’s diatribes always involve flying—please wake j₃ for the duty free. please wake j₃ for meals. please wake her before land, the continents ablaze in agonizing drift. when m₁ speaks, tectonics of vein let in more than water. j₃, more than what is drawn on book covers, pleads with him to begin at the beginning, rather than this night in retro, in gradient time. tomorrow, j₃ will be a fraction of a fraction farther from this point of contact. tonight, her back, an archipelago. m₁’s fingers, no more water than well. among the wonderment of swing sets unable to weigh the world, m₁ finally suggests that the last swift, a midnight yellow line through the water wells of this town, must know where his country ends and where hers begins. j₃ remarks what they must have known since the sixth grade: the weight of the world themselves.

i have an office with keys and stuff declarations

12.13.10

TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of shooting the gap. TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of perfect hand placement. TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION flashing to the wing.

I AM BEING the encouraging word. I AM BEING the go-to guy. I AM BEING an open offense.

I AM RELEASING piss-poor construction of a new building. I AM RELEASING no home opener until who-the-hell-knows. I AM RELEASING the delayed response. I AM RELEASING what i’ve always assumed to be true. I AM RELEASING what’s worked before. I AM RELEASING this tension in turning to face you. I AM RELEASING the perfect diction. I AM RELEASING the tower, in whatever specifications are to your liking.

I AM CREATING a new translation, a first edition, a pressing we can both accept. I AM CREATING final edits that will allow me to put a stamp on it. I AM CREATING the writing i loved when i loved to write.

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT MY LIFE IS surprise folds of variation. I LOVE well-timed assertiveness. I LOVE the historical fiction in footnotes. I LOVE art blakey. I LOVE all jazz messengers, worldwide. I LOVE notes from m. I LOVE messages that begin, “another way to read it is.”  I LOVE the weight of keys and perfectly weighted keys. I LOVE the strum of intent.  I LOVE that there’s always more murakami to read. I LOVE random bowling adventures. I LOVE inaugural queens excursions. I LOVE ordering without a menu, what’s not on the menu anyway. I LOVE the care brought to song selection. I LOVE accepting that the universe is asking me to be more accepting.

I CELEBRATE AND NURTURE MY EXISTENCE as unconditional. outside this parenthetical.  

it’s been a long, long time declarations: nyc day 1283

12.12.10 

TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of long mileage and even longer commutes. TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of new hands across old heartstrings. TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of all things changing, of nothing i need hold on to.

I AM BEING a bottomless cup of tea. I AM BEING a search for all the ginger in woodside. I AM BEING a slow burn, without candle ends.

I AM RELEASING the heart rate, the stride, the cumulative distance of should, almost, and just enough. I AM RELEASING my untimely interjections of lists. I AM RELEASING the prototype, the protective bubble of literature, the hallowed hall. I AM RELEASING the chase, the comfort of quick wit, the recursion in sarcasm. I AM RELEASING quid pro quo, contra principia negantem non est disputandum, ab absurdo. I AM RELEASING the rule of threes, really, really now. I AM RELEASING the sacred hideout, guarded with unreasonable mythos.  I AM RELEASING an unnecessary shibboleth. I AM RELEASING lost wagers, having to read Eat, Pray, Love. 

I AM CREATING a language for this love, without exception. I AM CREATING a clearer path home. I AM CREATING mindfulness. 

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT MY LIFE IS no neck strain post-first-row hp7. I LOVE the wait for folks you know will be there. I LOVE never being on schedule, but always on time. I LOVE the endless playlist. I LOVE the recognizable pattern of good music and the surprise changes in the best. I LOVE the morning attempt at a “fun run.” I LOVE the search for just the right gift wrap. I LOVE hottie santas and their willingness to save seats for marlin-martin-whoever-you-are-cuteness. I LOVE running with E and Z. I LOVE the city i’d never see otherwise. I LOVE food as finish lines. I LOVE the dash in the home stretch. I LOVE not being sore, relatively. I LOVE a potential day between BAM and the brooklyn museum. I LOVE 2am sobriety, relatively. I LOVE readily available hot chocolate. I LOVE the uncertainty of a difficult read. I LOVE that there is no timetable for any of this. I LOVE that a change is gonna come, by open hand and open heart. 

I CELEBRATE AND NURTURE MY EXISTENCE in my house. pictures on the wall.

no, really, you shouldn’t have declarations: nyc day 1280

12.09.10 

TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of the flywheel, the nautical mile, the search and rescue. TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of a moment to find my bearings. TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of the infinite statement.


I AM BEING the proof of uniqueness. I AM BEING an overturned hanoi tower.  I AM BEING the seed of the system.


I AM RELEASING a day of constant distraction. I AM RELEASING the additives that i blame and take and blame and continue to take. I AM RELEASING the cellular automata of father complexes. I AM RELEASING the false pride in entertaining the iterations of my kiddos in burn out. I AM RELEASING my own burn out, without constant or scope. I AM RELEASING my need for classifying the lattice. I AM RELEASING the turbulence, intermittency, the defect of mirrors. I AM RELEASING the transposition of pre-fixed time. 

I AM CREATING an exquisite corpse. I AM CREATING a new wine. I AM CREATING a drink of will. I AM CREATING a mysterious object on my mark.

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT MY LIFE IS the second-chance crepe. I LOVE the republic, the corner table, the return to the narrative thread. I LOVE this series of the most ridiculous texts. I LOVE not ten, but 20 pages in translation. I LOVE pre-game for 23miles on Saturday.  I LOVE speculating the stealth necessary to gift time. I LOVE that i’m ready to make whatever-this-is be. I LOVE waiting for faves. I LOVE the terrible goodness of 6th ave high-tech golden arches. I LOVE the irony of rogue book club would-be reading lists. I LOVE the possible chance to return the favor in kind.

I CELEBRATE AND NURTURE MY EXISTENCE as the crux. may there be love and light in the asking.

all we can do is keep breathing declarations: nyc day 1279

12.08.10 

TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of grounding forces, the normal force and the power of damn good pancakes. TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of my own brand of jazz. TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of the typography of fine hands.

I AM BEING a sky castle, a reflecting globe, a tilting space. I AM BEING the continuum of the convex and the concave. I AM BEING a summer solstice son at the cusp of a mama’s boy winter.

I AM RELEASING the rule of threes when it comes to fatal flaws. I AM RELEASING halfsies on my failings. I AM RELEASING my own tally of hamartia.  I AM RELEASING the yellow ribbon, the game tree, the proper protocol in diving in. I AM RELEASING the politics of intelligence and the intelligible politik. I AM RELEASING London. I AM RELEASING the banking system and its defiant formality in the face-to-face. I AM RELEASING this collage of script and spiel. I AM RELEASING the air-sentence-diagrams.

I AM CREATING a less judgmental marlonius thunk. I AM CREATING a new rosetta stone. I AM CREATING a goal tree that terminates with impeccable eye contact. I AM CREATING an unerring acceptance in the universe.

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT MY LIFE IS the comfort of congruence. I LOVE when students miss me. I LOVE (it just a lil bit), when they lose their minds without me. I LOVE when the grades they think they’ve earned match precisely with my calculated grade. I LOVE knowing that i can do this for a long time and never get bored. I LOVE the morning walk, the acknowledging nod g'morn from Queens Blvd regulars. I LOVE the time and the means for daily coffee. I LOVE the rush to get things done, but done right and without regret. I LOVE the pride in one’s face, even after a tough loss. I LOVE that my capacity to love equals my capacity to love running.   I LOVE the cold, the unforgiving hills, the deep exposure to my fear of failure and embarrassment. I LOVE learning to accept every last impediment that comes to bear in my relationship with my best self. I LOVE the infallible run. I LOVE this blinding radiance helping me put one foot in front of the other. I LOVE the trusty spoon. I LOVE the spit and shine of it all. I LOVE catching my breath, preparing for what’s around the bend.

I CELEBRATE AND NURTURE MY EXISTENCE as ‘nuff said. g’nite.

ornate noun declarations: nyc day 1278

12.07.10 

TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of the miracle of belief in blue passports and Philippine Airlines.  TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of the intended interpretation of the symbols. TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of dusty grooves.

I AM BEING hella cancerian, a double water sign, and doubly so. I AM BEING not a bit tamed. I AM BEING untranslatable. I AM BEING a barbaric YAWP over the roofs of the world.

I AM RELEASING the voice i regained only to lose again. I AM RELEASING a season opening loss. I AM RELEASING lost plays—CAROLINA, DUKE, MIKE1, STACK1, and STACK2. I AM RELEASING my anger, my quick judgment, my look of disappointment. I AM RELEASING the 2.5lbs i lost while recovering. I AM RELEASING the inefficacy of timesheets and student data left at school. I AM RELEASING the double-tilde, the switcheroo, and what the hell—the contrapositive. I AM RELEASING that which can only, if one were to only release the ax and the anvil, save me from my own old theorem. I AM RELEASING my fear of zones of proximal developing relationships: friend, buddy, homie. I AM RELEASING my fear of these ACT II tragedies. I AM RELEASING semi-interpretations and waiting for the tortoise to talk down achilles from such terrible footholds. I AM RELEASING my ease at being alone, not by choice but by habit.

I AM CREATING a stronghold for the heart. I AM CREATING the crab canon. I AM CREATING a string which talks about itself without code. I AM CREATING love despite myself.

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT MY LIFE IS a frig with three types of soup brought by three different hands. I LOVE the three layers in recovery time. I LOVE surprising folk by jumping from art to us history to physics. I LOVE remembering Dr. Peisker’s daily quizzes. I LOVE that my signature (E²) is an homage to his: p² I LOVE when my heart crushes hard. I LOVE that i get to run in CP tomorrow. I LOVE my YAWPers worldwide! I LOVE impending reunions. I LOVE that this mind is Buddha, and this mind is not Buddha. I LOVE the little harmonic labyrinth. I LOVE that i am as complete as i allow myself to be. I LOVE you out there, reading this, who may make this completeness real. I LOVE that ultimately, it isn’t all that deep. I’m all good.

I CELEBRATE AND NURTURE MY EXISTENCE as living proof. we must be in love.  

nyc day 1277: i want to change the world, instead i...declarations

 TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of the timetable of binary stars. TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of what the body reflects in the faintest muscle memory. TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of what i need when i forget what i need.

I AM BEING a day closer to remembering everything. I AM BEING a day closer to ending this love affair with countdowns. I AM BEING in love five times a day and always in time with the seasons.

I AM RELEASING my fear that i am a ‘D,’ a left-over man. I AM RELEASING things that are just that, things. I AM RELEASING books of verse—the lines were rightfully stolen and have stolen me. I AM RELEASING my need for ‘mastery.’ I AM RELEASING the obsession with recursion, a self-made standard for magnifying flaws. I AM RELEASING my lawless nature to chemistry. I AM RELEASING silly mourning for the do-anything-for-me lover.

I AM CREATING my bed, not a second dresser. I AM CREATING a soundtrack of my intentions, a love of my life. I AM CREATING, period.

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT MY LIFE IS i haven’t called in sick since may. I LOVE having to force myself to not work out. I LOVE thinking about the next run. I LOVE the challenge of distance, the comfort of knowing i’ve done it before. I LOVE expert calves, the body that knows its training. I LOVE fresh baked cookies at 3am. I LOVE organic oreos. I LOVE the hint of mint. I LOVE that my body speaks true. I LOVE deep acupressure. I LOVE that i won’t settle, have ridiculous standards, that i know what my heart deserves. I LOVE that i know that soulmates exist. I LOVE that friends attempt their rescues, by kind word, congee, and graphic organizer. I LOVE that i clean up nicely. I LOVE that when i turn to my left, medals and the word of god; when i turn to my right, family & verse i love. I LOVE that my cuddle bud is a hypoallergenic pillow and not a 25yr-old hot mess. I LOVE the honest attempt at feng shui, and an honest attempt at, well, an honest attempt. 

I CELEBRATE AND NURTURE MY EXISTENCE as a hella stand-up guy; at least a C; and ready to get back to work.

manuscripts on the ready declarations: nyc day 1276

TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of marathons without the clamour of feet. TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of the geography of my own hamartia. TODAY, I AM THE REALIZATION of the scholarship of tables, turning.


I AM BEING thirty-six. I AM BEING a fresh vision board. I AM BEING fresh kicks, fresh air, a Jackson Heights fresh batch of empanadas.


I AM RELEASING a week of point differentials. I AM RELEASING my fear to ask and be asked. I AM RELEASING the chore of g, an acceleration due to needless gravitas. I AM RELEASING fatherlessness & childlessness. I AM RELEASING everything hanging overhead, over my head. I AM RELEASING love, misdirected and misguided. I AM RELEASING bright star, 1Q84, the need for translations now and handwritten and in english firsthand. I AM RELEASING the search for a perfect profile, a response too perfect to take seriously.


I AM CREATING a manuscript to write home about. I AM CREATING a manuscript of maps my lover knows, a legend by her design. I AM CREATING a book that speaks of more than stolen sleep. I AM CREATING target dates.


WHAT I LOVE ABOUT MY LIFE IS the abundance of ways to warm the heart. I LOVE being part of a running family. I LOVE full recovery, productive pain, purposeful rest. I LOVE the unexpected ‘thank you,’ ‘please,’ and “god bless you.’ I LOVE calling one m’dear, m’love, m’prend. I LOVE the vulnerability of heavy breathing, the exposure to the chill, the desire to ascend. I LOVE running beside, behind, just ahead of her. I LOVE brunch and ketchups and walking it out. I LOVE the magic of extra miles. I LOVE the church bulletin, just enough faith, just enough cynicism to be a charming. I LOVE the rewards of preparation, the spoils of the 7 train, the clearest path home in years.


I CELEBRATE AND NURTURE MY EXISTENCE as a gentleman, c’walking on the yellow brick road that winds the wasteland of my would-be scholarship.